Sleeping In His Crib


For weeks I’ve avoided blogging because I didn’t want to admit defeat. I didn’t want to face the world of super parents who have sleep trained their children while mine still slept next to me and my husband. I’m no super mom and I don’t really want to be one but for two nights my baby has spent half the night in his crib. Now for all the Cry It Out parents, that may seem like a minuscule accomplishment, but for me it’s nothing short of amazing.

There’s no particular method, just a slow process of getting him used to sleeping on his own. And I won’t leave him to cry, not even for one minute. I can’t say I have any evidence that letting a baby cry isn’t good for them because I don’t really know if it is or not. But what I do know is leaving my baby to cry for any period of time feels completely unnatural to me. I respect other moms who can do it. But I also understand why many moms don’t.

I’m going to wrap up this post before I make any enemies. If there’s one thing I learned since becoming a mom, it’s never insult a mother’s way of sleep training her little one. And so I will end with this thought: I’m going to enjoy this transition period because it means we both get to have everything we want and everything we need. We both get to sleep in our respective beds for a few hours, uninterrupted by the other’s movements. But we also get to enjoy the bonding time that comes with sleeping next to each other the second half of the night. In a few weeks (or months) he will be sleeping in his crib the entire night and he’ll probably be fine, but I will miss him terribly. As a working mom who only get’s to see my little one a few hours a day, there is no sweeter feeling than falling asleep while holding my baby’s hand.

Sleeping In His Crib

It Has Begun…


After receiving some great advice from friends and readers I took the first step to moving my baby out of our bed. Last night, after his bath time and his bottle, I put him in his pack n play. I was an experience that helped me learn a bit more about my son’s personality. For two hours he tossed and turned and tried to climb out. I was amazed with his tenacity and perseverance. At six months old, he was trying to figure out how to get out of the pack n play and into my bed. But I did not give up. And neither did he. First he tried to seduce me into picking him up by looking into my eyes and giving me a big smile. And while that ALMOST worked, I stayed strong. Then he yelled at me for about one hour. He didn’t cry. He just yelled, as if to say, “how dare you abandon me?” Then he tried to climb out. All I could do was bury my face in my pillow and laugh. Two hours later, he wore himself out and started crying. That is one sound I cannot stand to hear. Plus I think he was trying to tell me that he was thirsty. I know I would be if I exerted all that effort. So I picked him up, gave him what was left in his milk bottle and he passed out.

We made it through half the night with him in his pack n play. I woke up around 1 AM to pump and found myself counting the hours till 7 AM so that I could bring him into our bed and play. I only made it to four AM. And while he was perfectly fine, I wasn’t. He spent the rest of the night next to us. Tonight we will try again ūüôā

And one note about the pumping. I have decided to keep going, mostly because my prince doesn’t seem to like formula. He’s the boss.

It Has Begun…

I’m In Trouble


Two days ago my husband took baby boy to his monthly checkup.¬† I’m usually the one who takes him and I really love his pediatrician.¬† She is a new mom herself and so her advice resonates on a more real level.¬† We chat as if we are two friends having coffee and talking about our kids.¬† But I couldn’t go this last time because I had to work.¬† So when my husband came home and told me his pediatrician needed to talk to me about a few things I was doing, I knew I was in trouble.¬† And I knew what she was going to tell me.¬† But I’m not one to shy away from criticism so I quickly picked up the phone and called her answering service.¬†¬† She called me soon after and after a moment of chit chat she told me what I didn’t want to hear but know is the truth: it’s time to put the baby in his own bed and his own room.¬† Just hearing those words made my heart sink.¬† But I know she’s right. My best friend, who is also a pediatrician, has lectured me on this in the past but that was before he was six months old and I thought I still had time.

Now though, I know that if I sleep train him he will soon sleep through the night without waking up and that by keeping him next to me as a snuggle bunny, I was only being selfish.¬† I promised that I would try to at least put him in his pack ‘n play in my room.¬† The idea of putting him in his own room, all alone, is just unbearable at the moment.¬† And what I don’t want to do is go through reading another sleep training book.¬† So if you would, I beg of you to give me advice.¬† How did you sleep train your baby?¬† How long did it take?¬† And was it worth it? And please, please don’t tell me I have to let him cry.

One thing you should know about me is,¬† growing up, I was always the teacher’s pet.¬† I don’t like when the teacher is disappointed in me.¬† So I have to get this assignment right.¬† But unlike grade school, I don’t have a clear text book on how to ace this exam.¬† I hope that you can help.

I’m In Trouble

Should I keep going?


When my baby decided he would have nothing to do with breastfeeding at the age of two weeks, I decided I would pump exclusively to make sure he got the nutrition he needed.¬† For those of pump, you know, it’s no easy thing.¬† It’s¬† uncomfortable and it’s time consuming.¬† It’s also a God-send for those who can’t breastfeed.¬† I told myself, if I could just get him to four months, that would be great.¬† When I got to four months, I decided I could keep going because it’s really best for them to get breast milk until six months.¬† So I vowed to keep going.¬† This weekend my sweet boy turned six months.¬† And to be honest, I’m really sick of this pumping thing. And it’s becoming increasingly difficult for me to find the time to do it at work.¬† But, while my supply is decreasing, the milk is still there and I feel guilty stopping.¬† So everyday, I ask myself, should I keep going?¬† I haven’t decided.¬† What do you think?

Should I keep going?

How I Survived Returning to Work


It’s been more than two weeks since I returned to work and I’m happy to say, my brain and my heart are faring much better.

Those who follow my blog know that there were moments in the first couple of days when I didn’t think I would survive being both a mom and a career woman. ¬†There were lots of tears and lots of anxiety. ¬†I’m sure there will be some days that are tougher than others, but now I also know that I will make it through. ¬†For ¬†moms that are preparing to return to work, here are few tips that helped me get through the first couple of weeks.

1) Make sure you have childcare you can trust. ¬†I miss my son every day but I don’t worry because I know that he is in good hands with his nanny. ¬†I can handle missing his beautiful face but I cannot handle being away from him and worrying about his well-being. ¬†In order to trust your childcare, if you can afford it, hire your nanny while you are still on maternity leave. ¬†You have enough to adjust to, the last thing you need is to deal with is someone new in your life and your little one’s life as you return to work.

2) Talk to other mothers who work with you.  Tell them about your concerns and your worries.  They have been there and the fact that they are still working means they may have tips to help you through the tough days.  I would stop and talk to every mom that I see in the hallway.  I found it very comforting to know there are many others going through exactly the same thing.  Taking five minutes to talk about our children also helped me get through the days I missed him the most.

3) Talk to your spouse/partner.  Chances are if you live in the U.S. your husband/partner had to return to work mere days after your baby was born.  Daddy loves the baby as much as you do, and if he can adjust, so can you.

4) Stay in touch.  I set up a Skype account for my son and everyday I call him and either his dad or nanny picks up.  I work 11 hour days and taking 10 minutes, while I pump, out of the entire day to see my son makes all the difference.  It also helps with my milk production.  I know some parents who have a nanny cam that allows them to check in every once in a while as well.  But I personally like being able to interact with him.

5) Know yourself. ¬†I have many friends who said to me they thought they could never be a stay-at-home mom until they actually went back to work. ¬†For me, going back to work confirmed that I am a better mom when I work. ¬†Instead of feeling exhausted, I feel refreshed when I see my baby. ¬†My time with him is so precious and I enjoy every second. ¬†But for some moms, being away only increases their anxiety. ¬†Be honest with yourself about what’s best for you and your family. After all, if mom is not happy, no one is.

It’s only been a couple of weeks for me but things are already dramatically better than they were the first day. ¬†Moms, do you have any tips on how you survived the return to work?

How I Survived Returning to Work

Maternity Leave Madness


I finally did it. This week I finally opened up my work email. I had about 30 messages with the subject “your mailbox is full.” And more than 2500 other unread emails. I was perfectly happy letting it stay full. But I’m now just a few weeks away from returning to work and it is time for me to send the email I had been dreading since the day my baby was born. It’s time to find out when my official start date will be.

I won’t lie. A part of me is really looking forward to going back to work. I love what I do and I’m excited to jump back into the world of international news. But another part of me is having a major panic attack. How am I going to leave my three and a half month old for 10 hours a day? I tend to get anxious when I’m having dinner with friends and I’m a way from him for only two hours. I’m really lucky because I will be leaving him with an amazing nanny who he already loves. . But I will have to let go and get myself used to the fact that my son will not be spending the day the way I want him to spend it. I will be sharing his most precious moments and milestones with someone else. I will cry my eyes out every morning when I leave him.

It just feels too soon to go. Why is it that the great United States has the worst maternity leave policies of the developed world. In Canada, moms get 52 weeks off work during this life changing experience. The same is true for the U.K and other parts of Europe. In France, both moms and dads get to take a combined 104 weeks off work. Even Afghanistan has better laws concerning maternity leave. The law there requires women to take 12 weeks off work with 100% of their pay. In fact, the law in the U.S. does not require a company to pay moms anything, though most get some of their salary through short-term disability. We are forced to choose between having the opportunity to be good moms or to be successful career women. And most of us don’t even really have that choice. We have to work in order to help provide for our families.

I think it’s time for another wave of feminism in the U.S., one that celebrates the idea of being both a mother and a career women. We can do it all, if our country will give us the chance. It’s too late for me. Come mid-January, I’ll have to leave my baby for work before he even recognizes that I am his mom.

Moms, what are your experiences with going back to work?

Maternity Leave Madness