Hello… It’s me

Ok, I’m sorry about the title.  I couldn’t resist.  It just felt too perfect.  Moving on…

It seems that I only blog once every two years. I was shocked to see that some people were still reading my old posts.  So I’ve decided to revive my blog, this time with two kids and a full time career.  I’m in my mid-thirties;the digital revolution is sprinting past and I refuse to be left behind.  The goal is to write, promote and maybe even podcast.  These are grand dreams for someone who barely has time to go to the bathroom in peace. Time will tell how far I get.

The focus of my blog will continue to be motherhood and career.  It’s something that’s become a major focus over the last few years thanks to the likes of Sheryl Sandberg and Anne-Marie Slaughter.  Can I have it all?  Should I lean in? What does having it all even mean?  And how far should one lean in before falling over and crashing?  These are grand discussions.  What I really want to know is how parents manage going work after months of sleepless nights with a new baby? I’d also like to figure out how to motivate myself to become fit again.  I’m always healthiest when I’m pregnant because I have gestational diabetes.  But as soon as those babies are out, the slide backwards begins.  These topics and many more still to come.

I hope you’ll keep reading and tell me what you think.

Hello… It’s me

The Scream That Brought Me To My Knees

Yesterday I woke up to a squirmy baby, trying to push out his morning poop. I picked him up, sat him on my lap and pushed his knees up to help him out. Within minutes we had a big explosion. The poop was all over his footie and onesie. His dad took him from me and began to change him. I insisted that we wash him with water. I proceeded to do what I do at least three or four times a day and I washed his cute little tush in the bathroom sink. He then began to scream, the way an adult would scream if he/she discovered a bloody murder scene.

I didn’t know what set him off or how I could stop it. I quickly handed him over to his dad. Now I was hysterically crying. What did I do to my baby to make him scream that way? I checked the water to see if it had gotten too hot. But it hadn’t.

His scream was so loud that his grandfather came running downstairs, thinking the baby must have fallen and gotten seriously injured. By the time he got to our room, the baby was cooing and laughing and I was on the floor crying. I still have no idea what made him scream that way. I suspect maybe my rings or bracelet accidentally pinched him. I took off all my jewelry and vowed to never wear it again. And then I proceeded to cry for another two hours.

I never, ever want to hear that scream again.

I was a mess most of the day, replaying the incident in my head over and over again trying to figure out what happened. To make me feel better, my mother in law sat me down and told me stories of what she went through with her three boys. She warned me that there will be many other times that I will feel like it’s the end of the world.

One summer her three young boys had just finished swimming at a swimming club. She was getting them dressed but she realized that all their clean underwear were now wet. Left with no choice, she had to dress them up with out their undies until they got home. As she zipped up the jeans of one of the boys, the zipper caught his wee-wee. And his scream could be heard for miles. She was in the south of France, where there is no 911 emergency center. So she had to free his wee-wee herself. Within a few seconds she was able to unzip the jeans. He survived. He is now all grown up and the incident is nothing more than a crazy story. I admire my mother-in-law’s nerves. I would have passed out. I don’t know how I’m going to survive this motherhood experience.

Our babies are the most important people to us in the world. And just the thought that we could do anything to hurt them is unfathomable. But we will make mistakes and that’s why, I believe, God protects them from our shortcomings. I just don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for making him scream like he did, even though I still don’t know what set him off.

Moms, have you been through similar situations?


The Scream That Brought Me To My Knees