After receiving some great advice from friends and readers I took the first step to moving my baby out of our bed. Last night, after his bath time and his bottle, I put him in his pack n play. I was an experience that helped me learn a bit more about my son’s personality. For two hours he tossed and turned and tried to climb out. I was amazed with his tenacity and perseverance. At six months old, he was trying to figure out how to get out of the pack n play and into my bed. But I did not give up. And neither did he. First he tried to seduce me into picking him up by looking into my eyes and giving me a big smile. And while that ALMOST worked, I stayed strong. Then he yelled at me for about one hour. He didn’t cry. He just yelled, as if to say, “how dare you abandon me?” Then he tried to climb out. All I could do was bury my face in my pillow and laugh. Two hours later, he wore himself out and started crying. That is one sound I cannot stand to hear. Plus I think he was trying to tell me that he was thirsty. I know I would be if I exerted all that effort. So I picked him up, gave him what was left in his milk bottle and he passed out.
We made it through half the night with him in his pack n play. I woke up around 1 AM to pump and found myself counting the hours till 7 AM so that I could bring him into our bed and play. I only made it to four AM. And while he was perfectly fine, I wasn’t. He spent the rest of the night next to us. Tonight we will try again 🙂
And one note about the pumping. I have decided to keep going, mostly because my prince doesn’t seem to like formula. He’s the boss.
When my baby decided he would have nothing to do with breastfeeding at the age of two weeks, I decided I would pump exclusively to make sure he got the nutrition he needed. For those of pump, you know, it’s no easy thing. It’s uncomfortable and it’s time consuming. It’s also a God-send for those who can’t breastfeed. I told myself, if I could just get him to four months, that would be great. When I got to four months, I decided I could keep going because it’s really best for them to get breast milk until six months. So I vowed to keep going. This weekend my sweet boy turned six months. And to be honest, I’m really sick of this pumping thing. And it’s becoming increasingly difficult for me to find the time to do it at work. But, while my supply is decreasing, the milk is still there and I feel guilty stopping. So everyday, I ask myself, should I keep going? I haven’t decided. What do you think?
My skin is breaking out, my stomach is in knots. Next week I go back to work. Yesterday I spent the morning in tears. It’s a flood of emotions I haven’t felt since the birth of my beautiful boy. I’m going to miss him. I haven’t been without him for more than just a few hours. Now I will be gone for 11 hours a day. Leaving him in the very capable hands of his nanny makes me feel better than if I had to leave him in a daycare at such a young age. But I’m still going to feel pangs of guilt for not being there for him all the time.
My tears are also tears of stress. For weeks, my world has revolved around my baby, as it should. But that also meant that I didn’t have any time to focus on what’s happening around the world, and I’m worried that I am going to return to work and fail at my job. Someone once told me that once I had a baby, my priorities would change, that I may no longer want to advance in my career. I disagreed with that person then, and I disagree with that person now more than ever. Having a baby has made me want to be even more successful in my career. The stakes are much higher now. My son’s future depends greatly on what opportunities my husband and I can offer him. Before, failure or even stagantion in my career was only a disappointment to myself. Not any more. I want him to be proud of me as I was proud of my mother and father, who worked tirelessly to make sure we had all that we needed and more. The challenge now is how do I work to excel while not compromising my precious time with my boy. I know it’s a balancing act that millions of women struggle with every day.
Fellow career moms, how do you do it? How do you find the time to focus on work while also thinking about finding the time and place to pump while away from your babies? How do you push for a promotion when that promotion may also mean less time with your little ones? How do we find success as mothers and career women? I still have a long road ahead of me before I can answer any of these questions. But perhaps you already have some tips?