The Scream That Brought Me To My Knees


Yesterday I woke up to a squirmy baby, trying to push out his morning poop. I picked him up, sat him on my lap and pushed his knees up to help him out. Within minutes we had a big explosion. The poop was all over his footie and onesie. His dad took him from me and began to change him. I insisted that we wash him with water. I proceeded to do what I do at least three or four times a day and I washed his cute little tush in the bathroom sink. He then began to scream, the way an adult would scream if he/she discovered a bloody murder scene.

I didn’t know what set him off or how I could stop it. I quickly handed him over to his dad. Now I was hysterically crying. What did I do to my baby to make him scream that way? I checked the water to see if it had gotten too hot. But it hadn’t.

His scream was so loud that his grandfather came running downstairs, thinking the baby must have fallen and gotten seriously injured. By the time he got to our room, the baby was cooing and laughing and I was on the floor crying. I still have no idea what made him scream that way. I suspect maybe my rings or bracelet accidentally pinched him. I took off all my jewelry and vowed to never wear it again. And then I proceeded to cry for another two hours.

I never, ever want to hear that scream again.

I was a mess most of the day, replaying the incident in my head over and over again trying to figure out what happened. To make me feel better, my mother in law sat me down and told me stories of what she went through with her three boys. She warned me that there will be many other times that I will feel like it’s the end of the world.

One summer her three young boys had just finished swimming at a swimming club. She was getting them dressed but she realized that all their clean underwear were now wet. Left with no choice, she had to dress them up with out their undies until they got home. As she zipped up the jeans of one of the boys, the zipper caught his wee-wee. And his scream could be heard for miles. She was in the south of France, where there is no 911 emergency center. So she had to free his wee-wee herself. Within a few seconds she was able to unzip the jeans. He survived. He is now all grown up and the incident is nothing more than a crazy story. I admire my mother-in-law’s nerves. I would have passed out. I don’t know how I’m going to survive this motherhood experience.

Our babies are the most important people to us in the world. And just the thought that we could do anything to hurt them is unfathomable. But we will make mistakes and that’s why, I believe, God protects them from our shortcomings. I just don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for making him scream like he did, even though I still don’t know what set him off.

Moms, have you been through similar situations?

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The Scream That Brought Me To My Knees

4 thoughts on “The Scream That Brought Me To My Knees

  1. Amira says:

    Awww, this story broke my heart Reem!! I have definitely gone through similar situations with Hashem. There was a time when I hurt him with my watch and I remember how I went out and bought a $50 plastic swatch watch, that had softer material. I could not live without a watch on my arm when after having Hashem. Also, I have accidentally hurt Hashem with my nails when he was little and I have not grown out my nails ever since he was an infant! I keep them nice and short. it’s so normal to feel this way with your first, don’t worry in time, you will become a professional inshallah 🙂 Love you Reem, stay strong!

  2. Maya's Mama says:

    Don’t remind me! My heart still aches! Maya and I fell asleep together and she woke up and crawled off the bed and fell to the ground. I woke up to a thud and a load cry. That was a horrible way to discover that your baby girl can crawl. I called the doctor and they calmed me down and reminded me that Maya was just fine laughing and crawling within seconds after her fall. It turns out I was the one left crying after that fall. There are times when she would let out a cry of psi and I wouldn’t know why…I always thought maybe it was a growing pain…who knows. But I can assure you of one thing, you are not alone!

  3. lina nehlawi says:

    hi reem
    i heard a alot about u & ur sister from rima my school mate & my beloved friend,,,,
    well as a 1st experience wut u passed through is very normal but thanks god u r very well surrounded….i have 3 daughters ( all married now ) but i passed through many incidents with my 1st baby mayssa & i was all alone by myself…i was 22 with no experience @ all in a foreign country (france )…..but with god help ; we all manage & make our way….
    i looked for ur blog as rima told me & i liked it very much……
    i think u will be a great devoted mom…..enjoyed reading……kisses…
    lina nehlawi

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