My skin is breaking out, my stomach is in knots. Next week I go back to work. Yesterday I spent the morning in tears. It’s a flood of emotions I haven’t felt since the birth of my beautiful boy. I’m going to miss him. I haven’t been without him for more than just a few hours. Now I will be gone for 11 hours a day. Leaving him in the very capable hands of his nanny makes me feel better than if I had to leave him in a daycare at such a young age. But I’m still going to feel pangs of guilt for not being there for him all the time.
My tears are also tears of stress. For weeks, my world has revolved around my baby, as it should. But that also meant that I didn’t have any time to focus on what’s happening around the world, and I’m worried that I am going to return to work and fail at my job. Someone once told me that once I had a baby, my priorities would change, that I may no longer want to advance in my career. I disagreed with that person then, and I disagree with that person now more than ever. Having a baby has made me want to be even more successful in my career. The stakes are much higher now. My son’s future depends greatly on what opportunities my husband and I can offer him. Before, failure or even stagantion in my career was only a disappointment to myself. Not any more. I want him to be proud of me as I was proud of my mother and father, who worked tirelessly to make sure we had all that we needed and more. The challenge now is how do I work to excel while not compromising my precious time with my boy. I know it’s a balancing act that millions of women struggle with every day.
Fellow career moms, how do you do it? How do you find the time to focus on work while also thinking about finding the time and place to pump while away from your babies? How do you push for a promotion when that promotion may also mean less time with your little ones? How do we find success as mothers and career women? I still have a long road ahead of me before I can answer any of these questions. But perhaps you already have some tips?