My Baby, My Motivation.


My skin is breaking out, my stomach is in knots.  Next week I go back to work.  Yesterday I spent the morning in tears.  It’s a flood of emotions I haven’t felt since the birth of my beautiful boy.  I’m going to miss him.  I haven’t been without him for more than just a few hours.  Now I will be gone for 11 hours a day.  Leaving him in the very capable hands of his nanny makes me feel better than if I had to leave him in a daycare at such a young age.  But I’m still going to feel pangs of guilt for not being there for him all the time.

My tears are also tears of stress.  For weeks, my world has revolved around my baby, as it should.  But that also meant that I didn’t have any time to focus on what’s happening around the world, and I’m worried that I am going to return to work and fail at my job.  Someone once told me that once I had a baby, my priorities would change, that I may no longer want to advance in my career.  I disagreed with that person then, and I disagree with that person now more than ever.  Having a baby has made me want to be even more successful in my career.  The stakes are much higher now.  My son’s future depends greatly on what opportunities my husband and I can offer him.  Before, failure or even stagantion in my career was only a disappointment to myself.  Not any more.  I want him to be proud of me as I was proud of my mother and father, who worked tirelessly to make sure we had all that we needed and more.  The challenge now is how do I work to excel while not compromising my precious time with my boy.  I know it’s a balancing act that millions of women struggle with every day.

Fellow career moms, how do you do it?  How do you find the time to focus on work while also thinking about finding the time and place to pump while away from your babies?  How do you push for a promotion when that promotion may also mean less time with your little ones?  How do we find success as mothers and career women?  I still have a long road ahead of me before I can answer any of these questions.  But perhaps you already have some tips?

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2 thoughts on “My Baby, My Motivation.

  1. Maya's Mama says:

    You worked hard for decades to build your career. Why? Because you had a dream and you made it come true. And now you are in pain at the thought of living your dream. Why? Is it because of this grand and overwhelming motherly love. I hear you. I felt that same way. I had never felt pain like the pang I felt in my heart when that dooms day of returning to work was approaching. I thought the world would end. And let me tell you, I cried, I gasped, I sighed in anguish. But then the day came and went and it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I made it! And so will you. Not only that, but you will be very glad you returned to your work. It is a big part of who you are and as you so eloquently put it, it is in your son’s best interest that you continue with your profession. After all we want to raise independent children who are supported and guided to live successful lives by example rather than wishful thinking. Remember you are a great mother for going back to work and a better mother when you get back home. If you do it right, you will come back refreshed and ready to spend quality time with your son. It’s not easy but it is quite worth it. As you find that work life mama balance, don’t forget to take time for yourself, just to unwind. Good luck mama, go get’em!
    Btw, in your absence, the world hasn’t changed much so you will be caught up in no time!

  2. Cara says:

    I was soooo there about 9 months ago. I am going to be really honest – returning to work with an 11-week-old at home, while breast feeding exclusively, was the hardest thing I have ever done. And it’s not because I’m a single mom.
    It’s because we gave work our all for about 30 years, and then the baby our all for about 3 months and now we have to split our all up. For the first few weeks my brain felt like it was running on two totally separate tracks. I was writing copy about an a major earthquake in Japan, while trying to figure out how to get away and go pump. But somehow, that became the new normal, and I got used to always have a running track of Ellie’s needs in my head, while managing the responsibilities I have at the office.
    You will adjust to this new normal, just like your body adjusted to pregnancy (and post-pregnancy) and like you did to every other life change.
    And it gets easier when the baby is on a solid schedule and you know that you can come home from work, spend time with baby, bathe baby, put baby to bed and continue working remotely if needed.

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